i feel sick. like, really really sick, and idk why! i didn't eat all week, and then this morning my mother made me eat some cornflakes, and that pushed me over the edge, i guess. i got rid of it. and after my throat felt like sandpaper. and it still does.
today my exercises were:
100 sit ups
1000 skips with a skipping rope
256 star jumps/jumping jacks
1hr on the bike machine
50 lunges each leg.
i feel so incredibly fat. i think i'm going to die fat, you know.
but enough about my ED, because it's kinda sorta really depressiiiing!
have you ever thought in life, why not?
i have, continuously. today, my friends decided to be total total bitches, and they're now all like ihu. well, three of them and the others are ganging up on the three that are ganging up on me. i don't want people to fight over me, because you know it, and I know it, i'm not worth fighting over. i felt like dying. and i didn't know what to do. so i set up some goals in life.
why not, i thought.
one of them was to change, for the better.
why not?
another was to decide who my real friends are.
why not? this one hit home. because i'm bragging, but i have a lot of friends, but only one friend i can trust with all my life and heart and stuff. the others are fake, and i can tell that if i was in some deep shit, one of my friends that claims she's my best friend would pretend she didn't know me and go and befriend someone else. see, girls are flaaaakey. and really annoying. and so today i cut my hair, and i'm attempting to get better and eat and stuff. why not? life's too short to fuck up. i can't sit about feeling sorry for myself! new beginnings, you know.
we should all love ourselves, and currently i don't love me. and i need to.
I LOVE ME.
and you're all beautiful. i love you too.
sorry, this is kinda a major epic rant, but you know, sometimes you have to rant, eh!
Thursday 26 August 2010
My Mental Madness Playlist.
my favourite eating disorder playlist consists of:
skinny ~ edith backlund~
courage ~ superchic[k]
beauty from pain ~ superchic[k]
creep ~ radiohead
broken wings ~ flyleaf
beautiful ~ joydrop
big isn't beautiful ~ king adora
numbers ~ pompeii
numbers ~ pompeii
3 libras ~ a perfect circle
breathe in breathe out ~ polly scattergood
poem song ~ polly scattergood
my silent undoing ~ queen adreena
breathe me ~ sia
90210 ~ wale
weightless ~ all time low
beautiful ~ bethany dillon
angeles ~ elliot smith
lua ~ bright eyes
this playlist gets me through life, and i hope it does well for you too!
some of the songs have nothing to do with eating disorders, but they do for me.
skinny if my favourite, it is sad.
some of the songs have nothing to do with eating disorders, but they do for me.
skinny if my favourite, it is sad.
Saturday 21 August 2010
free patternn.
this is only a quick one, as i will write more tomorrow or the day after, but i just wanted to show you how i made my skirtt.
this is the pattern, and you can shorten it or lengthen it as you pleeeease!
xxxxxxxxxxoxx
this is the pattern, and you can shorten it or lengthen it as you pleeeease!
xxxxxxxxxxoxx
Wednesday 18 August 2010
-deeeeeeeeeeead.
MOOOOOOORRRNINGG! actually no i lie, it's not morning, it's 13 something! (yaaay soldier time hup hup!) but it feels like morning because i stayed up AAAAAALL night and i'm actually very very overtired, to the point where i'm tooo hyper! I'm not sure how i'm gunna make it through the day, hahahahaa! I don't know why i couldn't sleep, but i just stayed up exercising and watching south parkkk! so if anyone's interested, here's what i did last night!
♥said goodnight
♥went on the computer
♥tried to go to sleep
♥faaaaaaailed.
♥went downstairs (is was 3:09 by this time)
♥watched three episodes of two and a half men, two episodes of king of queens and two episodes of south park
♥did 100 reps of crunches, star jumps, leg lifts (for building strength for ballet) and this exercise where you life your back to build you core strength!
♥made croissants (recipe coming after, picture coming after after!)
♥got told to wash up
♥cried cos i was tired
♥went to sleep at 11:26 am
OH, JOY!
I've noticed i'm finally getting followers! Woohooooo my blog is the bees kneeeees! but to the people that followed me, i love youuuuuu
huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuggggggg♥
Today I have to go and take care of morgan, (my horse) and drive him to kent so he can run around for the day (which sucks cos it's raining, but i'm doing stuff tomorrow so i can't do it then and i don't want him to be sad!) and hopefully meet up with my boyfriend againnn!
...okay so i don't have a recipe but i used this really cool thing called croustipate (well that's the brand i think) and it's basically croissants in a can andd it looks like this!
♥said goodnight
♥went on the computer
♥tried to go to sleep
♥faaaaaaailed.
♥went downstairs (is was 3:09 by this time)
♥watched three episodes of two and a half men, two episodes of king of queens and two episodes of south park
♥did 100 reps of crunches, star jumps, leg lifts (for building strength for ballet) and this exercise where you life your back to build you core strength!
♥made croissants (recipe coming after, picture coming after after!)
♥got told to wash up
♥cried cos i was tired
♥went to sleep at 11:26 am
OH, JOY!
I've noticed i'm finally getting followers! Woohooooo my blog is the bees kneeeees! but to the people that followed me, i love youuuuuu
huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuggggggg♥
Today I have to go and take care of morgan, (my horse) and drive him to kent so he can run around for the day (which sucks cos it's raining, but i'm doing stuff tomorrow so i can't do it then and i don't want him to be sad!) and hopefully meet up with my boyfriend againnn!
...okay so i don't have a recipe but i used this really cool thing called croustipate (well that's the brand i think) and it's basically croissants in a can andd it looks like this!
and the outcome is:
and it tastes like:
hahaaaa i'm sorry i went really really picture happy!
The next blog that i do is gonna have a pattern to make a skirt, so look forward to it! and if you're a boy, make it for your girlfriendd!
Friday 13 August 2010
holy sweet stuff!
what is with the rain today? my goodness i really dislike london sometimesss!
but on the plus side, i went outside with my boyfriend and we just ran about in the storm for a while :) but then i got scared i'd die cos i was listening to my ipod and we were on a hill. so that fun ended ratehr quickly. So at the moment i'm at his house, currently wondering when my parents are going to realise i've been missing for the whole day and most of last night o_o (i went exploring at 4am)
WHAT I DID TODAYY:
♥went cantering in the rain
♥made a skirt (pattern soon.)
♥spoke to some WAY COOL DUTCH PEOPLE at the park
♥made cakeees! (see below.)
Today i made cakes and a recipe is coming your way! i don't have a name for them yet, but i used to make these things with strawberries (instead of the jam on the top) and strawberry icing all around, but i had to make to with the items i had in my fridge cos i couldn't be bothered to go shopping, cos sainsburys is a long walk away and my oyster card's not workingg! (:
RECIPEEEE:
175g Butter
175g sugar
175g Self raising flour
3 eggs
1 teaspoon of baking powder
food colouring of your choice
favouring of your choice
i. preheat the oven to 160 degrees
ii. cream the butter and sugar
iii. add the eggs
iv. add the flour and self raising flour, then pour mixture into two greased tins around 8 inches in diameter (or put them in ramekins (greased) or any other kind of shape. experiment!
v. leave them in the oven for about 30 mins (more, if need be, knife will come out clean if they are donee)
vi. leave them to cool, and make icing (i used strawberry flavouring, 150g icing sugar and 50g butter)
vii. slice cakes in half and add icing (and jam if you'd like, or STRAWBERRIES)
put a dollop of jam on top and smother with sprinkles
viii. EEEEAAAAAAATTTT! (take a picture first though. cos it's so good, no?)
They're really really really sweet, so make sure you drink a lot of water throughout the day, use face wash, and (if you're like me) make sure you don't go over your calorie limit! I don't know how many calories are in there but i would say about 400 per cake/muffin thing. I don't want to try it, but sam said it was good, so i'm okay~!
woah i just realised they look like nipples.... ew. OKAY JAM IS OPTIONAL!
but on the plus side, i went outside with my boyfriend and we just ran about in the storm for a while :) but then i got scared i'd die cos i was listening to my ipod and we were on a hill. so that fun ended ratehr quickly. So at the moment i'm at his house, currently wondering when my parents are going to realise i've been missing for the whole day and most of last night o_o (i went exploring at 4am)
WHAT I DID TODAYY:
♥went cantering in the rain
♥made a skirt (pattern soon.)
♥spoke to some WAY COOL DUTCH PEOPLE at the park
♥made cakeees! (see below.)
Today i made cakes and a recipe is coming your way! i don't have a name for them yet, but i used to make these things with strawberries (instead of the jam on the top) and strawberry icing all around, but i had to make to with the items i had in my fridge cos i couldn't be bothered to go shopping, cos sainsburys is a long walk away and my oyster card's not workingg! (:
RECIPEEEE:
175g Butter
175g sugar
175g Self raising flour
3 eggs
1 teaspoon of baking powder
food colouring of your choice
favouring of your choice
i. preheat the oven to 160 degrees
ii. cream the butter and sugar
iii. add the eggs
iv. add the flour and self raising flour, then pour mixture into two greased tins around 8 inches in diameter (or put them in ramekins (greased) or any other kind of shape. experiment!
v. leave them in the oven for about 30 mins (more, if need be, knife will come out clean if they are donee)
vi. leave them to cool, and make icing (i used strawberry flavouring, 150g icing sugar and 50g butter)
vii. slice cakes in half and add icing (and jam if you'd like, or STRAWBERRIES)
put a dollop of jam on top and smother with sprinkles
viii. EEEEAAAAAAATTTT! (take a picture first though. cos it's so good, no?)
They're really really really sweet, so make sure you drink a lot of water throughout the day, use face wash, and (if you're like me) make sure you don't go over your calorie limit! I don't know how many calories are in there but i would say about 400 per cake/muffin thing. I don't want to try it, but sam said it was good, so i'm okay~!
Tuesday 10 August 2010
anyone?
side note: does anyone like this song? it's so prettyyy and it's in the ralph lauren advertt and the sorcerer's apprentice just made me wanna listen to it over and over!
I do my echappés to it (:
OFFICIAL FIRST POST YAY YAY
Sup sup!
So i suppose i should tell you stuff about me, and what better way is there apart from telling you in a song?!
Hah, lul i was gunna but then i decided i couldn't be bothered (: (:
So i'm not telling you my name, still.
but as I said before you may call me rae cus i like that name! I'm fourteen years, two months and twenty eight days old! i think. My birthday's may fourteenth, so i'll leave it to you to work it out! i have four favourite movies: Gingersnaps, Thirteen, Pineapple express (james franco ♥♥) and Spykids3. if you luagh at the fact that i like spykids, i will personally kill you with a rake and some salt.
When i grow old, i would like to be one of the following:
♥Actor
♥Writer
♥Paediatrician
♥Child Psychologist
♥Designer (Of the interior sort. Or fashion.)
This blog, is basically me venting, and sharing recipes and how to make things, because i make clothes lots, and any successful stuff, i'll draft a pattern and scan it in for your eyes to seeee! So it's not all boring, okay?
As you've probably guessed, I take ballet, it's pretty much my life, and I dream of getting into White Lodge Ballet School, but i'm too scared of auditions.
-pussy.
So for now i'll just enjoy the classes, and attempt something you don't have to audition for!
Also i'll probably post things I like!
Idk how often I will post, but you know, just take things day by day and see how things go dowwnnn.
So 's'aaallll good in the hood!
i love to bake, so there'll sure be new things soon!
Goodbye for nowww,
rae-starshine♥
So i suppose i should tell you stuff about me, and what better way is there apart from telling you in a song?!
Hah, lul i was gunna but then i decided i couldn't be bothered (: (:
So i'm not telling you my name, still.
but as I said before you may call me rae cus i like that name! I'm fourteen years, two months and twenty eight days old! i think. My birthday's may fourteenth, so i'll leave it to you to work it out! i have four favourite movies: Gingersnaps, Thirteen, Pineapple express (james franco ♥♥) and Spykids3. if you luagh at the fact that i like spykids, i will personally kill you with a rake and some salt.
When i grow old, i would like to be one of the following:
♥Actor
♥Writer
♥Paediatrician
♥Child Psychologist
♥Designer (Of the interior sort. Or fashion.)
This blog, is basically me venting, and sharing recipes and how to make things, because i make clothes lots, and any successful stuff, i'll draft a pattern and scan it in for your eyes to seeee! So it's not all boring, okay?
As you've probably guessed, I take ballet, it's pretty much my life, and I dream of getting into White Lodge Ballet School, but i'm too scared of auditions.
-pussy.
So for now i'll just enjoy the classes, and attempt something you don't have to audition for!
Also i'll probably post things I like!
Idk how often I will post, but you know, just take things day by day and see how things go dowwnnn.
So 's'aaallll good in the hood!
i love to bake, so there'll sure be new things soon!
Goodbye for nowww,
rae-starshine♥
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